Season, Reason, Lifetime

I miss the random thrift shopping we would do.

I miss the spontaneous trips we would make to VIrginia.

I miss wining and dining at Red Lobster, Friday’s, and Olive Garden every other week (lol).

I miss the heart-to-hearts we had in your living room.

I miss the moments when we laughed till we cried.

I remember laying in your bed and disclosing the agony and the pain of loving someone who wouldn’t love us back the way we wanted them to. We had so much in common! Our spirits of love, giving, sacrifice, reflecting light and life to others, and our positivity made us even closer.

We became friends, mentors and mentees to one another. We became sisters.

But what went wrong between us?…

Like why did things turn bad so fast…so quickly?

What went wrong?

Then it hit me!

I realized that the only difference between us was that , in the midst of all the heart to hearts, and disclosures, and the sweet-bitter-awesome chats we had…you never let go! You never let go of the pain that other people who weren’t supposed to matter caused you.

You never let go!

You held on to the point that you lost yourself! You lost control! You fell into that dark place, like we all have at some point in our lives….BUT YOU STAYED THERE….

You was in an emotional coma.

What’s even more crazy was the fact that you never loved yourself. You made the world seem like you was okay when you weren’t. You gave your heart to someone that did not know how to use it…and it left you heartless. You kept running to those people like a puppet, meanwhile I was here trying to pull you back..to show you a mirror to see what you were turning into.

Your skin went from soft to hard as wood. Your eyes went from brown to black. Your heart went from warm to cold.

I couldn’t get through to you!

And that’s what hurts the most!

If you could only see how much you are truly worth.

If you could only believe that for yourself!

You are not alone, and you don’t have to be…

You kept telling me “you are what I used to be…sweet, awesome, AND excited about life”

You could still be that way! Pull yourself out of that dark hole!

……………………………………..

I found myself sad, down, and somewhat discouraged because of it all. My friends and family started to see it. At that point, I had to give us some space because it wasn’t healthy anymore. I was the one that created the space. You were that one that pushed us further away…

I miss the old times.

I miss our friendship.

I guess it was only for a season and for me to learn the importance of self-love, growth, learning from the past-pained experiences, and moving forward.

Life teaches us daily lessons. We just have to be open to listen and learn.

People come into your life for a season, reason, or a lifetime.

Whatever it is, and whichever it will be…I am grateful for the things I’ve learned.

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